| Episode | Transcript | Gallery |
While Margaret Thatcher impersonates The Queen, can Joan Collins really be in bed with John McEnroe? As Bob Dylan protests against the use of cheese, Mick Jagger gets in trouble whilst abusing other dairy products. Meanwhile, in "The President's Brain is Missing," President Ronald Reagan wakes up in bed with a stuffed monkey.
Sketches[]
| Picture | Sketch |
|---|---|
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The Cabinet, consisting of Michael Heseltine, Norman Tebbit, Leon Brittan, Norman Fowler and Geoffrey Howe, talk amongst themselves and read an edition of the News of the World, when they hear a fanfare. A voice announces the Queen is here, but really it is just Margaret Thatcher wearing a crown. |
| ? | Series 1 Opening Theme |
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John McEnroe’s voice is heard in the dark, shouting “I do not believe it! It was in for God’s sake, it was in!”, making it appear as if he’s arguing with a tennis umpire. However, the lights turn on, revealing him and Joan Collins in bed, the latter of whom responds, “John, it was not even close.” |
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The President's Brain is Missing
Worried that President Ronald Reagan will get shot again if he wins the 1984 presidential election, his advisor Ed Meese removes out his small brain for security purposes before stapling the President’s head back together. Both are relieved the plan went well, but the brain suddenly starts jumping on the bed in its attempt to escape, with Ed trying to catch it. |
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Margaret Thatcher arrives at Buckingham Palace, waiting for the Queen to arrive. |
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Ruhollah Khomeini, in his palace, writes on a piece of paper in Arabic with the bloody finger of a severed hand, before blotting the ink with another severed hand. |
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Tired of singing about war, Bob Dylan sings a protest song about cheese. |
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Exchequers
Harold Wilson arrives at Exchequers, a retirement home for ex-prime ministers, believing it to be his own official residence, only to be shocked to see his former political rivals Harold Macmillan and Alec Douglas-Home, as well as his successor James Callaghan, living there. He attempts to escape, but is caught and punished by the retirement home’s matron Queen Victoria. Wilson whines about how unfair this is on him and when Michael Foot (former leader of the Labour Party) arrives, asking for odd jobs, he forcibly kicks him out for being a failure. Queen Victoria punishes Wilson for doing this by slapping him and forcing him to eat his soup. He discovers a fly in his soup and pulls it out, only for Douglas-Home to tumble down the stairs in his wheelchair as the “fly” was attached to his fishing rod. Wilson groans as Macmillan tells him not to worry. |
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Margaret Thatcher still waits for the Queen.
End of Part One |
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Start of Part Two
Mick Jagger sneakingly drinks a chocolate milkshake in his nose, using both straws, as a reference to his infamous frequent drug use. |
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The International Terrorist of the Year Awards
The host, Muammar Gaddafi, is announcing the winner of the International Terrorist of the Year Awards. He unseals the envelope, which explodes upon doing so, and he is able to mutter the winner as being Richard Attenborough for his 1982 film Gandhi before fainting. |
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Margaret Thatcher arrives in Moscow and asks Konstantin Chernenko to sign his autograph on multiple documents, claiming it’s for her son. |
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Rubber Plane
Seeing Mark Thatcher as the plane’s flight attendant giving out snacks, Len Murray asks his neighbouring passenger Clive Jenkins if that’s really him, to which the passenger responds yes. Len replies that that confirms why he’s been seeing pictures of him getting on and off planes, but never knew what he did in between. Linda McCartney laughs at a newspaper article about how pot smoking can affect your memory and calls her husband Paul “Ringo”. Paul asks if he knows her and she responds by hitting him in the face with the newspaper. Idi Amin talks to Robert Mugabe about how it takes a big man to confess crimes to the state. Mugabe responds that they take two big men. Jenkins, who is now sitting with David Steel, tells the latter that he came back from a fact-finding mission to France. Steel asks if he was blockaded, and Jenkins responds with a yes, saying that he “shouldn’t have eaten those snails.” |
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Before he can make his first address as General Secretary, Chernenko collapses and dies, but his aides improvise using his dead body. The aides who speak for him mysteriously drop dead too, as the others holding his corpse take it to a fridge off-screen. |
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Ian Paisley demands God punish Gerry Adams and Pope John Paul II with plagues, but God refuses, stating his requests are a bit too “Old Testament”. God instead proposes a lunch meeting at “His place”, to which Ian reluctantly agrees. |
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Michael Jackson performs “I'm Perfect” with a group of zombified British politicians, but turns into Diana Ross and sings “Stop! In the Name of Love”. She turns back into Jackson, who now has werecat eyes with dollar signs for pupils. |
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Credits
A montage of puppets featured in the episode are shown, some waving to the audience, while an announcer says mentions next week’s programme will have Margaret Thatcher meeting the Queen. The credits end with the sound of Ronald Reagan grunting, leading to the stinger... |
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Ronald Reagan “nurses” Nancy Reagan. When he asks her if the world moves for her, Nancy says no. He accidentally presses the Nuke button again, ending the episode. The beeping sound can be heard through the production endboard. |
Characters[]
Main[]
- Leon Brittan (debut)
- Norman Fowler (debut)
- Geoffrey Howe (debut)
- Norman Tebbit (debut)
- Michael Heseltine (debut)
- Margaret Thatcher (debut)
- John McEnroe (debut)
- Joan Collins (debut)
- Ronald Reagan (debut)
- Nancy Reagan (debut)
- Bonzo (debut)
- Ed Meese (debut)
- Ruhollah Khomeini (debut)
- Bob Dylan (debut)
- Harold Macmillan (debut)
- Alec Douglas-Home (debut)
- Harold Wilson (debut)
- James Callaghan (debut)
- Queen Victoria (debut)
- Michael Foot (debut)
- Mick Jagger (debut)
- Muammar Gaddafi (debut)
- Konstantin Chernenko (debut)
- Mark Thatcher (debut)
- Len Murray (debut)
- Clive Jenkins (debut)
- Paul McCartney (debut)
- Linda McCartney (debut)
- David Steel (debut)
- Idi Amin (debut)
- Robert Mugabe (debut)
- Leonid Brezhnev (debut)
- Ian Paisley (debut)
- God (debut, voice only)
- Michael Jackson (debut)
- Diana Ross (debut)
Background[]
- Arthur Scargill (debut)
- Enoch Powell (debut)
- John Gielgud (debut)
- Sheep (debut)
- Fidel Castro (debut)
- François Mitterand (debut)
- Indira Gandhi (debut)
Mentioned[]
- Walter Mondale
- Jesse Jackson
- Martin Luther King Jr.
- Martin Luther
- Queen Elizabeth II
- Edward Heath
- Marcia Williams
- Neil Kinnock
- Richard Attenborough
- Yuri Andropov
- Ringo Starr
- Gerry Adams
- Pope John Paul II
Voice Artists and Puppeteers[]
- Anthony Asbury as John McEnroe, Ed Meese
- Chris Barrie as Town-Crier, Ronald Reagan, Harold MacMillan, James Callaghan, Michael Foot, Mark Thatcher, Ian Paisley, Comrades
- Kevin Bradshaw
- Alistair Fullarton as David Steel?
- Louise Gold as Joan Collins, Queen Victoria, Linda McCartney, Nancy Reagan
- Terry Lee
- Steve Nallon as Margaret Thatcher, Harold Wilson, Comrades
- Richard Robinson
- Jon Glover as Awards announcer, Comrades
- Chris Emmett
- Errol Manoff
Trivia[]
- There was a laughter track in this episode.
Continuity[]
- Margaret Thatcher is seen waiting for Queen Elizabeth in two sketches. In the credits, the narrator says she’ll meet the Queen in the next programme. Indeed, in the next episode, Queen Elizabeth makes her debut in a sketch where she meets with Maggie.
- The zombies who appear in the “I'm Perfect” musical number return in Episode 6.
References[]
- The News of the World cover that the Cabinet are reading refers to Prince Andrew's girlfriend at the time, actress Catherine Rabett, laughing off the publication of nude pictures.
- When Harold Wilson is crying out “Marcia! Marcia!”, he is referring to Marcia Williams, who served as his Private Secretary during his premiership and was notable for her loyalty to him.
- The Exchequers sketch closes in the style of the cult classic series The Prisoner.
- Linda McCartney mentions pot smoking, in a reference to her being arrested in 1984 for possession of marijuana after flying to Heathrow Airport. Her husband Paul McCartney had also been arrested in 1975 on the same charge, hence why both of them fail to remember each other properly in the sketch.
- On the Comrade’s clapperboard, Yuri Andropov’s surname can be seen crossed out and replaced with Chernenko’s.
- “I'm Perfect” is a parody of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, with his were-cat form being replaced with Diana Ross.
Edits[]
- On Granada Plus, the first Thatcher sketch, the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini sketch, the airplane shot, the McCartneys sketch, and the announcement part were cut. It was uncut in the release and on UK Gold.
- On ITV4, the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini sketch and the second Thatcher sketch were cut.
- The BritBox version removes the mention of Jimmy Savile coming over for dinner.