| Episode | Transcript | Gallery |
Thatcher and Tebbit interrogate Nigel Lawson on his budget proposals, Mark Thatcher opens his first bank account, Prince Charles visits The Falklands and Janet Street Germ reports live from Nancy Reagan's navel.
Sketches[]
| Picture | Sketch |
|---|---|
| ? | Arthur Scargill addresses his critics' accusations of him being obsessed with personal vanity... in front of a mirror. |
| ? | Ed Meese wakes Ronnie (who initially thinks he's dead) up in time for his morning crap, prompting the latter to begin a speech. |
| ? | Series 1 Opening Theme |
| ? | Norman Tebbit identifies the cause of violence amongst the unemployed as being the fault of a tiny minority - the Cabinet, who laugh. |
| ? | Janet Street Germ reports from inside Nancy Reagan's navel. |
| ? | Margaret Thatcher, while hanging the pound notes up to dry with Denis, asks her neighbour Herr von Wilcox his advice regarding the Yorkshire miners and trouble with the trade unions - invade the unions, but not in winter. He also advises her to put the unemployed in the army, build up the SAS, and be careful with Argentina. |
| ? | Mrs Whitehouse recognises Hitler as someone she went to school with. |
| ? | An advert for Barclays Bank featuring Mark Thatcher. |
| ? | Janet Street Germ reports from Mark Thatcher's empty brain. |
| ? | The President's Wife Is Missing
Previously, the brain had escaped from Capitol Hill and made its way onto a plane. Ed Meese walks in on President Reagan calling Margaret Thatcher and learns about the lesbians holding their arms around the base again. He tries to prevent the President from sending the marines to Leningrad and manages to prevent him launching a missile from his head, but discovers the President's brain is missing once again. Nancy Reagan is also missing, changing the title. |
| ? | Rubber Plane
John Gielgud tells Denis Healey that the Argentinians have claimed responsibility for sinking a Cambridge ship, prompting everyone around them to laugh. Archbishop Robert Runcie tells everyone about the Video Nasty Bill, which has been passed to Mary Whitehouse. The President’s brain is discovered by Prince Andrew and Joan Collins in their plane food. A passenger spots Arthur Scargill outside his window and shoos him away. |
| ? | Prince Charles visits a near-insane, banana-wearing Sir Rex Hunt at Port Stanley, who is relieved to talk to someone with a schoolboy accent. He mistakenly believes Charles is visiting with Diana and William, and attacks the air, believing it to be social workers. Charles leaves, despite Hunt's attempts, leaving him with his sheep Amanda for company, although this is revealed to be a ruse to make him leave. |
| ? | The President's Brain is spotted relaxing on the beach. |
| ? | Mary Whitehouse admires the President's Brain. |
| ? | At Number 10, Norman Fowler asks for the opposite of "unanimous". Leon Brittan says its "animous", prompting Thatcher to smack him for being wrong as the correct answer is "tired". Thatcher throws Howe's apple out of the window for being French and its caught outside by Richard Attenborough, who begins to give a speech. Fowler accuses Nigel Lawson of stealing his pen and when Thatcher asks the Cabinet what the policy on stealing from a friend is called, David Owen "correctly" responds with it being called socialism. She then asks for everyone's homework, starting with Howe, who accidentally left it on the bus, and spots Heseltine attempting to pass a note to Brittan. |
| ? | Two Comrades sneak out a bottle of champagne from Chernenko's office (actually a freezer).
End of Part One |
| ? | Start of Part Two
After playing fetch with her son, Margaret Thatcher sings "The Grantham Anthem". |
| ? | Mary Whitehouse admires the song. |
| ? | President Botha addresses the issue of equality in football, using a black man's head as a football which is caught by Richard Attenborough. |
| ? | Margaret Thatcher confronts Nigel Lawson about the Budget. As she scolds him about how the Budget was manipulated by him in his favour, Tebbit beats him up with a bat and he is eventually sent down to the crocodiles. |
| ? | Ayatollah Khomeini repeals Abdul Ali's sentence and gives him back his severed fingers. |
| ? | CRIMINAL LIBEL
Harold Angryperson talks about how Mark Thatcher could be the son of King Edward VII or Boy George, then a conspiracy about Margaret Thatcher could be bald, something only her son and husband know, with a dramatic reconstruction of them making fun of her baldness. |
| ? | Janet Street Germ reports from Denis Thatcher's liver, only to get sprayed by bodily fliuds again. |
| ? | CreditsNorman Fowler once again gets punched by Lawson. |
| ? | Prince Charles can only be King if he eats his semolina. |
| ? | After reacting negatively to the previous sketch, Mary Whitehouse has good and bad news. The good news? The programme won't be on next week. The bad news? It's coming back the week after. |
Characters[]
Main[]
- Arthur Scargill
- Ronald Reagan
- Bonzo
- Ed Meese
- Norman Tebbit
- Michael Heseltine
- Leon Brittan
- Geoffrey Howe
- Nigel Lawson (debut)
- Norman Fowler
- Nancy Reagan
- Janet Street-Porter (debut)
- Adolf Hitler
- Denis Thatcher (debut)
- Margaret Thatcher
- Mary Whitehouse
- Mark Thatcher
- John Gielgud
- Denis Healey
- Robert Runcie (debut)
- Andrew Lloyd Webber
- Prince Andrew
- Joan Collins
- Prince Charles
- Rex Hunt (debut)
- Sheep
- Kenneth Newman
- David Owen (debut)
- Richard Attenborough
- Leonid Brezhnev
- Konstantin Chernenko
- P. W. Botha (debut)
- Jimmy Savile (debut, voice)
- Ruhollah Khomeini
- Goat
- Harold Angryperson (debut)
- King Edward VII (debut)
Background[]
- Enoch Powell
- John McEnroe
- Paul McCartney
Mentioned[]
- Edward Heath
- Princess Diana
- Prince William
- Boy George
- Selina Scott