Safe Viewing is a song that appeared in Series 6 episode 3 of spitting image, and released as track 18 on the album 20 Great Golden Gobs.
The song is sung by Sir William Rees-Mogg, and a chorus of other celebrities. It is a spoof of British censors, how inconsistent they can be, and where their motivations truly lie.
Visual and Lyric Explanations[]
Safe Viewing is composed of classical instruments, mostly relying on strings and wind instruments. This is done to play up the overall “cleanliness” that many British television censors believe they have.
Mogg’s puppet is designed to have eyes that would bug out in reaction to obscene suggestions on what to run on the BBC. He is mockingly given the title of “Defender of Britain’s Morales” at the start of the song. He is shown to be working in an office, stamping out suggestions as acceptable or unacceptable.
When Mogg is suggested a Biblical drama, he mentions the controversial issue with Mary. In many New Testament interpretations, the relationship between God and Mary is kept very vague and not dwelled upon too much. Mary’s puppet can be seen holding a glass of wine while this lyric is spoken. Last Tango is short for Last Tango in Paris, which features an infamous rape scene involving butter (which Mogg strangely seems to take more issue with, instead of the portrayal of sexual violence).When Mogg is asked about a Derrick Jargan video, he answers it won’t shock since it’s fake, while holding up a paper leaf (covering Michelangelo’s privates) that reads Clause 28. Clause 28 was a law passed under Thatcher’s government that prevented promotion of homosexuality (due to rising fears during the HIVS/AIDS epidemic).
In the background, various celebrities can be seen on the television during the chorus section like Ringo Starr and Richard Attenborough. Mary Whitehouse once again makes an appearance in a sketch involving censorship and yelps when the lyric “private parts” is spoken.
Lyrics[]
(Mogg)
(*Tsk Tsk Tsk Tsk*)
(*Phone ringing*)
Hello?
Can Romeo kiss Juliet?
Well if it’s in good taste.
I think I can allow it,
But not below the waist!
You want to show Last Tango, ey?
Well that sounds rather hot.
I hope you can assure me,
The butter’s out of shot.
A drama that biblical?
Yes I’ll give that the-nod!
But don’t suggest that Mary,
Had messed around with God!
(Chorus)
(But don’t suggest that Mary,
Has messed around with God!)
He knows what’s acceptable.
He knows what’s obscene.
He’ll never let a penis,
Penetrate your screen!
No groping!
No screwing!
Uncle William offers you safe viewing!
(Mogg)
Ah! There we are, no chance of catching anything from that.
(*phone ringing*)
Hello? OOOUUUGGHH!!!
Gorillas in the Mist you say?
She sounds extremely SICK!
I’ll let it pass provided,
The mist is VERY THICK!
A Derrick Jarman Video?
I don’t that will shock.
I met a man who told me,
It’s all a load of cock!
The tales of Madame Bovary?
Well that’s a definite NO!!!
The only Gallic classic,
Is called ‘Allo ‘Allo!
(Chorus)
(The only Gallic classic
Is called ‘Allo ‘Allo)
He knows what's acceptable
For boring old-farts!
He won’t commit to close-ups,
Of your private parts!
No groping!
No screwing!
Uncle William Offers you safe viewing!
(The remainder of the song is an instrumental while Mogg continues to reject suggestions, usually muttering “Oh no no!” etc.)