Santa Claus is on The Dole is a Series 3 Christmas Parody song performed by Spitting Image as a festive hit. It depicts a grim reality where Father Christmas has fallen on hard times, and as a result won't be able to deliver presents any more.
There were two versions of this song. One that aired on television, and the version that was released as a record. Between the two, there are various lyrical changes, as well as various differences in who sings certain parts. Both sets of lyrics are listed below, along with their corresponding music video.
TV Version Lyrics[]
(Singer)
Snow is lying on the ground,
And in the air the sleigh-bells sound,
The frosty-patterned window pane,
It's British summer-time again…
(Horse)
(No it's not! It’s Christmas!)
(Singer)
Yes, Christmas, and though children wait,
For hoof-beats on the roof,
But this year stockings won’t be filled,
There’s been a mighty goof…
Yes, this year there’s no peace on Earth,
Nor food and gifts abundant,
For Father Christmas has been sacked,
And his Gnomes are all redundant…
(Chorus)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
Oh, I'm UB40!
My reindeer's have been sold for glue,
You might as well be naughty!
(Chorus)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
Finis! Kaput! Its curtains!
The magic sleigh’s been repossessed,
The suit’s gone back to Burton's!
My elfin helper’s topped himself,
I've lost my little earner!
The grotto rent’s three months behind,
I’ll die of hypothermia! Oh!
(Chorus)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
I’ve lost my money spinner!
Real fairy cake, and Rudolph steak,
Will be my Christmas Dinner!
(Chorus)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
Oh yes, I've been undercharging!
Giving all the gifts for free destroyed my profit margin!
Come on everybody!
(Chorus)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
Oh, I’m UB40!
(Chorus)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
You might as well be naughty! Ha-ha-ha-ho-ho-ho-ho!
(Chorus)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
Finis! Kaput! Its curtains! Ha!
(Chorus)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
And the suit’s gone back to Burton's! Ho-ho-ho-ho!
Merry Christmas, everybody! Ho-ho-ho!
Album Version Lyrics[]
(Singer)
Snow is lying on the ground,
And in the air the sleigh-bells sound,
The frosty-patterned window pane,
It's British summer-time again…
(Horse)
(No it's not! It’s Christmas!)
(Singer)
Yes, Christmas, and though children wait,
For hoof-beats on the roof,
But this year stockings won’t be filled,
There’s been a mighty goof…
Yes, this year there’s no peace on Earth,
Nor food and gifts abundant,
For Father Christmas has been sacked,
And his Gnomes are all redundant…
(Chorus)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
Oh, I'm UB40!
(Singer)
His reindeer's have been sold for glue…
(Santa Claus)
You might as well be naughty!
(Chorus)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
Finis! Kaput! It's curtains!
(Singer)
The magic sleigh’s been repossessed…
(Santa Claus)
The suit’s gone back to Burton's!
(Singer)
His elfin helper’s topped himself…
(Santa Claus)
Oh, how will I survive?
(Singer)
The grotto rent’s three months behind…
(Santa Claus)
And my giro’s not arrived!
(Singer)
He’s too old to be re-employed…
(Santa Claus)
I've lost my little earner!
(Singer)
The igloo heating’s been cut off…
(Santa Claus)
I’ll die of hypothermia! Oh! Oh! Oh!
(Chorus)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Singer)
He’s lost his money spinner…
(Santa Claus)
Real fairy cake, and Rudolph steak,
Will be my Christmas Dinner!
(Chorus)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
And things don’t look too handsome…
(Singer)
His company is being probed by TV’s…
(Santa Claus)
...Ester Rantzen!
(Chorus)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho, I'm UB40! Ha-ha-ha-ho-ho-ho!
(Singer)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
So you might as well be naughty! Ho-ho-ho-ho!
(Chorus)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
Finis! Kaput! It's curtains!
(Singer)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
The suit’s gone back to Burton's! (And it’s jolly cold!)
(Chorus)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
(Oh! But never-mind! Merry Christmas, everybody!)
(Chorus)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
(Happy Christmas, boys and girls! Ha-ha-ha-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Stop that, Rudolph!)
(Chorus)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
(Put that penguin down! No, not in the Christmas Tree!)
(Chorus)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
(Stupid reindeer! Why are you fairies in here?)
(Chorus)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
(Haven’t you got a “gnome” to go to?)
(Chorus)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
(Ha-ha-ha-ha! A “gnome” to go to! You get it? Ha-ha-ha!)
(Chorus)
Santa Claus is on the dole!
(Santa Claus)
(Easy there, Rudolph!)
Gallery[]
Miscellaneous[]
The Song[]
