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Matt Lowe from Countdown
 
Matt Lowe from Countdown
   
Now is the time
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Now is the time
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to be bland
   
 
Bland Blanding
 
Bland Blanding

Latest revision as of 23:38, January 17, 2020

The Bland Song was a song that debuted in episode 68(Series 8, episode 5) of Spitting Image in its original run. The song itself is a satire of the various arising trends of the turn of the decade (some from the end of the 80s). 

Satire in the song Edit

The song starts by recalling the by-gone fads and events of previous decades with a faceless puppet in a sweater. The faceless character makes multiple appearances throughout the song to appear as the true identity (or lack there-of) of a number of people.

As the song goes on, different groups are mocked for how boring they are. Television show hosts, soap opera stars, and politicians are ridiculed with their dry portrayals..

The third verse of the song focuses on the politicians such as Paddy Ashdown who was leader of the LDP (Liberal Democratic party). He was often satirized on the show for being centrist and never picking a side (hence how he has no face when he looks in the mirror during the song). John Major declares that there is no one who can be blander than he is. Not even his own cabinet.

Visual Gags Edit

  • A police officer beats a hippy while the lyrics say "People hand and hand"
  • Mike Smith says he can't remember his name despite a cue card being right in front of him.
  • Matt and Luke Goss wear their logo backwards before realizing their mistake
  • Geoffrey Howe is seen once again dozing off before joining in with the rest of the cabinet
  • Various things are replaced with a 'bland' pun. Such as Bland Date (Blind Date) and Nuffcafe Gold Bland (Nescafe Gold Blend)

Lyrics Edit

[Faceless]

The Sixties stood for peace and love

And People hand and hand

Seventies for three day weeks

And the Gary Glitter Band

Then came the age of doing lunch

And earning fifty grand

Now the times are changing

It’s the fashion to be bland


[Mike Smith]

Long ago I set the trend

I still forget my name

Nearly killing Sarah Greene

My only claim to fame


[Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan]

We’re so nice we make a proper 

Aussie puke with shame


[Matt and Luke Goss]

And now the songs are just like us

Identical and lame


[Chorus]

Bob Holness and Belgians

Mark Knopfler’s new band

(Unknown) Is the weatherman

Stock Aitken Waterman 

This is the age

Of the bland


[Paddy Ashdown]

My Name is Paddy Ashdown

I lead the LDP

And now I’m just like my party

I’ve got no identity

[Cabinet]

We’re boring and we’re faceless

As bland as bland can be

[John Major]

But according to my figures

You’re not as bland as me

[Advert Couple]

In the adverts on the telly

When we want to have a fling

We just drink cups of coffee 

And never do a thing

[Cilla Black]

Oh me show’s a load of drivel

But at least I never sing

[Contestants]

I’m Phil, I’m Dez, I’m Kilroy Silk

And I’m a ball of string

[Chorus]

Phil Collins and pizzas

George Bush and cream in a can

Any old new town

Matt Lowe from Countdown

Now is the time

to be bland

Bland Blanding

And Blandly

Bland is Blander than Bland

Blandification

Blanderdization

Blandy to Bland

Bland Blanding

And Blandly

Bland is Blander than Bland

Blandification

Blanderdization

Blandy to Bland

Ditty

Bland Blanding

And Blandly

Bland is Blander than Bland

Blandification

Blanderdization

Blandy to Bland

Ditty

Bland Blanding

And Blandly

Bland is Blander than Bland

Blandification

Blanderdization

Blandy to Bland

Ditty Bland 

We’re Bland

We’re Bland

So Bland

We’re Bland

Video Edit

Trivia Edit

  • The faceless puppet was used prior in the song I've Been Very Lucky
    • Both songs at one point or another satirize the relatively blandness of SAW records and Kylie Minogue's acting
  • One of chorus puppets appears to have trouble moving and articulating when viewed up close.
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