Christmas Singles

The cover of the single version.

"The Christmas Singles" is a Spitting Image song from 1990. The song's lyrics were written by Steve Brown with music by James Simpson and Philip Pope, the latter of whom also sang the song.

The song was released as a single the same year, with the B-sides being the shorter 7" version of the song and "I'm Queen (Or the House of Windsor)."


Phil Collins

It's Christmas time but happiness

is soon so far away

Many awful things go on

in this old world today

But we can change it

for the good

if everyone stands tough

Let's put an end to suffering

it's time we said enough (enough)

No more Christmas singles

They're worse than any war

if we hear Aled Jones again

we'll throw up on the floor

I'll warn you with no fluffing

Cliff Richards will get stuffing

No more Christmas singles anymore

Bing Crosby

I'm dreaming of a w-ARGH!

Paul McCartney

The same old records get revived

when Santa comes to call (ooh!)

Julian Clary

If Christmas were abolished

Roy Wood wouldn't work at all


And even when the singer's cloaked

his songs still play him away (thank you, mama!)

If Jesus Christ were here tonight

I'm sure that he would say:

No more Christmas singles

They make us so forlorn

Why do they bring junk out

on the day that he was born?

They should be made unlawful

'cause they are absolutely awful!

So, no more Christmas singles anymore

George Michael

Last Christmas – oow!

George H. Bush

Take every Christmas single

Mikhail Gorbachev

Take every record pack

John Major

Load them on to an aeroplane

And drop them on Iraq!


So here it is – ooh!

No more Christmas singles

For the peace, goodwill and luck

We're stating categorically

They're clichéd and they suck

We're not dancing to Jive Bunny

and the Barron Knights aren't funny.

Please, no more Christmas singles anymore

No more Christmas singles

They're like a bad disease

Why don't we just put an end

to Yoko's royalties?

Perhaps we ought to mention

there is one last extention:

No more Christmas singles - 

Santa Claus

After this!

No more Christmas singles

And nor more la la la!

La la la la la la la, ...

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